It’s probably a dubious distinction, true, but at least Erap waited until he was actually President to start ripping off the people.
Archive for category FE
It’s okay, though, girls. That snot is HOLY.
Is that Kris again, or…?
Feb 19
For a while, I thought Noy was on to something. Oh, I never bought the whole “reluctant candidate” routine; it takes a very darkly cynical and opportunistic mind to even conceive embarking on an endeavor like a presidential candidacy before the body of one’s own dead mother has even cooled. But he played it up well, in the beginning, with the whole discernment thing. He discerned that plucking on the heartstrings tuned to the (faulty, but that’s beside the point here) memories of his mom would earn him the instant popularity and recognition his own vacuous presence in the legislature never could. He discerned that playing the ‘Will of God’ card would score huge with a deeply superstitious population of extraordinarily poor critical thinking skills. He discerned that using these things to portray himself as good to everyone else’s evil would keep him on top, at least for the first few rounds of surveys.
What he didn’t discern, obviously, is that there’s no way polish a turd of a personal and political career that has no quantifiable achievement of any kind that indicates, even in the slightest, most optimistic degree, any intelligence, effectiveness, or even good intentions as a leader. What he didn’t discern was that giving nobody anything more to talk or think about beyond “GMA is evil” and “I’m the son of my parents”, and what’s more, specifically avoiding most opportunities to talk about anything else would begin to make people question the wisdom of considering him as a potential president. What he failed to discern was that, by not giving anyone any plans, platform, or even coherent points of view on any issue would encourage people to start looking into the more childish aspects of his character and past actions, to the point that now some previously-enthusiastic supporters are publicly — regretfully and with great disappointment, but firmly nonetheless — withdrawing their advocacy.
Does he discern that the dinosaur of his own arrogance is about to bite him in the ass? And more importantly, do the Filipino people discern that they’re being made fools of?
Ignoy is a real piece of work. Four months into his own campaign for the presidency, he finally decided he should take charge of it:
“You are supposed to have competency in all aspects of government so I am doing it. Nobody can be master of everything, but I want to know precisely what I don’t know,” he said.
What a numbnuts. Would you get on a plane piloted by a guy who waited until he got it in the air to decide to learn how to fly?
On a related note, here’s a little screensaver treat for our fans out there, provided you can guess the super-secret password (that’s a hint, particular for our occasional Noyista readers, who tend to be a little dense about these sorts of things). Originally we wanted to post it for Valentine’s Day, but the precise steps needed to bring this piece of artful delight to you were not immediately obvious, and unlike a certain unremarkable Senator we learned a long time ago that when we don’t know what the eff we’re doing, much better results are to be had by endeavouring to find out, rather than just cluelessly forging ahead.
Oh, that’s right, I forgot: Mr. Take-Charge had discernment. We’ll address that later, methinks.
Don’t fret about your age, Noy. 50 is the new 47.
Caption Contest!
Feb 7
We think this is pretty funny, but we’ll be damned if we can think of a caption for it. And then we thought, hey, why should we? This turkey phones in his campaign, legislative career, and basically his entire life, why should we work that hard to poke fun at him?
So you guys get to come up with something: make up your best caption, and leave it in the comments. The winner receives…I don’t know, we’ll think of something. We’ll buy you a beer next time we see you, maybe.
So here goes. Have fun!
For the sake of accuracy, we should point out that he apparently did show up to the last one…Would anybody who was there get in touch and tell us if he was awake or not?
You know what’s really pathetic? Not only does this tongue-biter claim to be an expert at a totally made-up job, he actually sucks at it. That means that even if you suck at your job, if it’s at least generally recognizable as an actual occupation you’re still one up on this guy. That’s just sad.
Relying on “winnability” to win an election is a little like trying to drive a car just by cranking the starter; you’ll roll for a little while, but eventually someone with some actual gas in their tank will catch up to you.
Asshat, Redefined
Jan 10
So that’s why Noynoy hates farmers. Who knew?